John Carter (3 Stars)

Word on the street is that this film may go down in history as one of the biggest box office flops. Disney is apparently preparing to take a $200 million loss on a movie that reportedly cost $250 million to make, with additional costs factored in for such things as marketing, would need to gross $600 million worldwide in order to break even.

At its current rate, John Carter will most definitely not hit that mark. This is too bad because John Carter is actually a fantastic film and I believe that if it were titled something more intriguing than the generic name "John Carter" and marketed better, that it could have achieved the type of success of other big budgeted films. After seeing the movie, I discovered that it had similar elements of other recent flicks that performed well at the theater. These include movies like Thor and Avatar. John Carter does not deserve to be labeled a failure or a bad movie.

John Carter as a character's name fits well since the character is from 1881 New York however, the movie demands a more exciting title. "Earth Man on Mars" or "The Red Orb" or "My Trip to Mars" or "Mars Needs Warriors"... Well, maybe not those. A couple of legitimate ideas off the top of my head: Battle of Barsoom (what the inhabitants of Mars call the planet) or just Barsoom. Any other name than John Carter would have been more intriguing than the generically named title that was chosen and could have made a larger impact in filling theater seats.

John Carter's story is both complex and intriguing. Perhaps a bit overwhelming at times since there is a great deal going on. Nevertheless, the movie holds up and delivers impressive CGI-filled action sequences and captivated me for two plus hours.

One thing that I loved is the casting of the ruler of Helium. It was actor Ciaran Hinds, who played Julius Caesar in HBO's series Rome and his right hand man in the film was actor James Purefoy, who played Marc Antony in the same series. To me, seeing them together and dressed in similar Rome-like attire brought a smile to my face so wide that I had to manually push my face back into a neutral state of expression.

The overall acting was good, but not great. I don't think any of the performances were brilliant. The actor playing John Carter did a fine job however, I still felt there was more to be desired. There needed to be a little something extra. Perhaps more emotion. Many characters felt a bit stiff. I suppose the major problem was that there was so much going on with the story that it was nearly impossible to keep up with everything. That being said, I still ate up every minute.

The Breakdown: John Carter is much better than critics are letting on. If you enjoy big budgeted sci-fi adventures, then you'll enjoy this flick. The story is compelling and unique with plenty of plot twists to keep your mind stimulated. Its shortcomings are the sometimes flat characters (more could have been done with the villains to make them more menacing) and at times it feels like too much story is being thrown at you. Overall, this is a movie that is definitely worth your time and will surprise you. Don't let this movie slip through the cracks. It, by no means, deserves to be a flop.

The Change-Up (1 Star)

The first scene of the movie says it all. Dave (Jason Bateman) wakes up in the middle of the night to his screaming twin babies and in the process of changing one of them, leads to shit getting shot into his mouth. The creators of this film actually took the time to digitally alter a baby's rump and make it oh so realistic that crap fires onto Dave's face and into his mouth. Let me tell you, I laughed so hard I nearly fell over in severe laugh attack pain. Whoever wrote that scene deserves a medal of comedian geniusness. It was so clever and so bold and so so SO incredibly stupid.

The movie doesn't get much better from that point. In a ridiculous "Freaky Friday" scenario, Dave and Mitch (Ryan Reynolds) switch bodies after they urinate in a fountain together and wish for each other's lives. I know what you're probably thinking at this point, "that sounds so cute" or "I bet that makes for some super funny situations." Stop right there! You're wrong. This movie's idea of comedy is almost always gross, uncomfortable, and weird.

Mitch as Dave attempts to feed the twins in the kitchen and puts them on the counter while he prepares their bottles. Each child nearly injures themselves with knives, a blender, or an electrical outlet. Mitch as Dave has to dodge knives being thrown at him from an infant that clearly has taken a class or two in knife throwing. NOT FUNNY.

Dave as Mitch meets Mitch's Tuesday night sexual partner who turns out to be this nine month pregnant woman who is extremely horny. And guess what?! You can even see her baby kick. NOT FUNNY.

Mitch as Dave nearly screws up Dave's high paying job because he's an idiot. He communicates with Dave's boss and the individuals he's attempting to help close a merger with by using raunchy metaphors to illustrate his point (which isn't very clear most of the time). NOT FUNNY.

Dave as Mitch acts in a movie for Mitch, which could be his big break, so Dave as Mitch needs to be extra careful not to screw it up. The movie ends up being a lorno aka a soft core porn with a creepy plastic surgeried sixty year old woman. NOT FUNNY.

The Breakdown: At this point you should begin to see a pattern that has developed. The Change-Up is filled with one ridiculous scene after the other. The writer's attempt to add depth to the script with Dave's wife Jamie (Leslie Mann) having difficulty with their marriage and Mitch's father (Alan Arkin) desperately trying to reconnect to his jack ass of a son can't save this disaster of a movie. There aren't any redeeming qualities. Mitch is an asshole and Dave is an overworked schlub. This film does not work on a comedic level and it ever so faintly whimpers a breath of a story, but the premise is so stupid that I can't get past the "Freaky Friday" rip off aspect of it all. Bottom line, stay away. Stay far far away.

Like Crazy (3 and 1/2 Stars)

Spoiler Alert! This film may be titled Like Crazy; however, it has nothing to do with popular cheerleader type girls in a high school setting.  Also, it's not set in the nineties and "Clueless" type girls don't torment a fellow student by saying phrases such as, "Seriously. You're like crazy." Now that that's out of the way, we may begin. This film's actual story takes a boy meets girl in college scenario and gives it an interesting twist. Anna (Felicity Jones) is attending college in L.A. and falls head over heals in love with Jacob (Anton Yelchin) and as almost all out of countriers in love do, she overstays her visa because she's crazy in love. After Anna returns home for her sister's wedding and attempts to return to the states, she is denied entrance. The rest of the film centers on how Anna and Jacob cope with a long distance relationship and leaves the viewer hanging as to whether this couple will find a way for love to prevail.

One thing I enjoyed greatly about this movie is it is filmed entirely with a handheld camera, which gives it this realistic slice of life feel. As a viewer, I felt like I was actually part of the character's world as a voyeur of sorts. Emotional scenes seemed more intense than in a traditionally filmed movie. Ordinary mundane scenarios felt more interesting. The quieter moments took on new life and the main actors were so good expressing their feelings without a word muttered. I could feel the tension through the silence in one particular scene where Jacob and Anna are walking through the streets of London after they received some not so good news. It's moments like these, that reeled me into Anna and Jacob's world and made me feel the pain and frustration that they were feeling with their situation.

The Breakdown: Like Crazy steers clear of traditional Hollywood romance movies and tells a story that feels familiar; however, the way it was filmed and the unique ending make for a different kind of film that is both beautiful and heartbreaking at times to watch. This movie resonated with me for days after I viewed it and to me, that's the sign of a good film. One that makes an impact.

Young Adult (2 Stars)

I had the BEST idea for a movie evvvvver! It centered around this former high school snobby prom queen who is now in her late thirties and is extremely unhappy with her life. Then, to add a twist, she is also vindictively mean and it is near impossible for the audience to relate to her at all. She has no redeeming qualities, but at least she's a semi successful young adult author whose current novel parallels her own life.

After I watched Young Adult, I was disappointed to realize that my masterpiece of a movie was already made. Somebody had beaten me to the punch. I wanted to make a movie that was filled with endless amounts of uncomfortability. I wanted Patton Oswalt in my film. I wanted to not laugh at all and cringe a ton while watching my movie. I wanted to make a film that felt like all set up and then abruptly end it with no definitive conclusion. I wanted... I wanted to make a movie that reeks of mediocrity. 

Alas, Diablo Cody and Jason Reitman destroyed my dream. Excuse me while I go back to writing my other brilliant screenplay about a pregnant teenage girl in high school who makes quick-witted responses to everything. Hopefully this idea is still completely original. Fingers crossed!

The Breakdown: Not a bad film by any means. It is watchable and interesting to view in a tragic and awkward sort of way. I just wish that it had some of the charm of Diablo Cody's earlier film, Juno, and showed more growth from Charlize Theron's character, Mavis, who seemed destined to be an evil person. Perhaps she was prepping for her upcoming role as the evil queen in Snow White and The Huntsman. 

Young Adult will not put you in a good mood and it won't ever be your favorite movie, but at the very least it is an interesting look at someone extremely unhappy with themselves. It shows how Mavis is grasping onto the last thing that made her truly happy: her life in high school and her ex-boyfriend. The fact that he's married now with a daughter is also no biggie.

Interesting movie? Yes. Profound movie? No.

The Artist (4 Stars)

And the 1927 best picture winner is- Oh wait! Oops... The Artist is the 2012 best picture winner! A silent film has created the most noise out of any of the films released in 2011 and taken home the most coveted prize at the academy awards. How can this be?! With all the colors in the rainbow routinely utilized in modern motion pictures and dialogue a key component of nearly every film (minus most action flicks), The Artist has defied the odds and reigns king.

This mime-filled masterpiece captures the humor, drama, and sense of adventure of the silent era of cinema. Throughout its entirety, I was captivated by a story that centered on a fictional movie star, George Valentin, at the peak of his career and his downfall juxtaposed against the height of the silent era of movies and their transition into talkies. The absence of dialogue was barely noticed after I was immediately transported into the realm of yesteryear.

Comedic skits with a lovable dog reminded me of Charlie Chaplin and how simple little moments could be incredibly funny. Comedy doesn't necessarily need to go hand in hand with raunchy humor or gross out noises. Basic, clever comedy still works. I immensely enjoyed George's wife throughout the film. The minuscule things she did to express her hatred towards her husband were done in a funny way that effectively lightened the darkness of the reality within the movie.

Also, the type of cutesy love at first sight moments between the stars of the film took me back to a simpler time in movies where bashfulness and suavity were all the rage. The scene where Peppy Miller is pretending that George is touching her by putting her arm through his jacket is innocently fun. As is the tap dancing scene when George only sees Peppy's legs and they mimic each other dancing. Jean Dujardin brought so much charisma to the character of George that it elevated these simple scenes to a level of sheer joy.

Perhaps one of my favorite moments came towards the end of the film when George was severely depressed. The brilliant use of a title card  with the word "Bang!" added unique tension and was a scene that would have been impossible to recreate in a film filled with sound.

The Artist took the advantages of modern technology and applied them to an era that I'm willing to bet that most people in the world don't even think twice about, let alone have ever seen a silent motion picture. Being deprived of such greats as Charlie Chaplin's City Lights, Robert Wiene's The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari, F.W. Murnau's Nosferatu, Fritz Lang's Metropolis, or Buster Keaton's The General is a shame. The Artist reminded me of all the great silent films that exist and can still be enjoyed, even though they are 80+ years old. Now, another film can be added to that list of great silent films. The Artist truly is a work of art.

The Breakdown: The lack of speech quite literally became a moot point. The humor and drama within the film took over and I found myself wanting more by the time the credits rolled. Don't let a film honoring a unique era in cinema scare you away. This movie may be different by today's standards however, it's fascinating to witness how movies once were viewed and enjoy one made in the modern world. The Artist proves that there still is a place for these types of films. That being said, there probably won't be another one made in a very long time, if ever again. So enjoy this unexpected addition to the silent film club!

Real Steel (3 Stars)

Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots was finally made into a major motion picture! Not really... well sort of really. That was my first impression when I saw the trailer for this Hugh Jackman flick. I thought it looked one dimensional and like a waste of CGI to have all the action restrained to a boxing ring. After viewing the movie, I can confidently say, I was wrong. This flick takes the familiar story of a washed up boxer who now boxes while controlling washed up robots because that's what the sport of boxing has evolved into. Add in an estranged son and the most unlikeliest of robots to use in the arena and you've got an underdog story with daddy issues.

Real Steel has a solid story that balances the action and dramatic scenes like a majestic butterfly that stings like a mechanical bee. Action scenes with CGI that were well restrained, worked surprisingly well. I could actually tell which robot was fighting which robot. Unlike some other robot movies... cough... Transformers... cough. Excuse me. Now where was I? Oh yes, this film successfully used the effects to strengthen the story and didn't needlessly create an action spectacle for the sake of creating an action spectacle. At no point, did I feel anything was over the top... well within the context of the film.


One of the few gripes I had, was that Evangeline Lilly's character was underutilized. There was a fair amount of back story between her and Hugh Jackman's character which was largely left alone and I felt that adding her into the story a bit more could have strengthened and complicated the movie in a good way. Also, there was a scene early on with a bull, that made me uneasy. Animal vs. robot? Really? Not cool (even if it is CGI, not cool).


The Breakdown: Real Steel is a fantastic boxing movie with a fun sci-fi twist. If you like action movies that actually have good acting and story, then feast your eyes on this treat of a film.

No Strings Attached vs. Friends With Benefits

    

Two movies dare to tell tales so similar that there is no other choice, but to have them duke it out for the title of "Best Casual Sex Romantic Comedy of 2011." Both films tell the story of a man and woman who feel they can defy all odds and embark on a journey that only involves sex. No relationship. No emotions. Just the physical stuff. In one corner we have No Strings Attached starring Natalie Portman and Ashton Kutcher and in the other corner we have Friends With Benefits starring Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake.

"DING"


Round 1:

No Strings Attached begins strong with quirky humor, but trails off into cliche land about halfway in. The cool, unique film that it once was transforms into goobily gook. Friends With Benefits starts off okay with a couple wasted cameos on some not so funny breakup scenes. It picks up momentum and builds into a strong comedy, which redeems itself in the cameo department when Jason Segel and Rashida Jones stop by for a giggle. Friends With Benefits brilliantly makes fun of its own cliche moments, which somehow makes the movie feel a little less cliche.

Winner: Friends With Benefits

Round 2:

Both films had funny moments, but I found myself enjoying the quirkier humor of No Strings Attached more than Friends With Benefits. The whole "Third Eye Blind joke" and needing to be rescued from the Hollywood sign in Friends With Benefits wasn't that funny. I heartily enjoyed the blunt in your face humor of No Strings Attached and the ridiculousness of the mix tape. Not to mention, Kevin Kline as Ashton Kutcher's character's dad was quite funny. Nothing screams funny more than when a dad starts dating their son's ex-girlfriend. Hi-larious!

Winner: No Strings Attached

Round 3:

Friends With Benefits used its characters' quirks and not only made them funny, but also made the characters seem more believable as people. Adding Richard Jenkins into the film as the Alzheimer diagnosed father of Justin Timberlake's character and Patricia Clarkson as the screwed up cooky mother of Mila Kunis' character elevated the movie into something more than just jokes. Mila and Justin had great chemistry together and were damaged characters that were right for one another. No Strings Attached lacked depth in the story and although the main actors worked well together, they were missing that extra spark. The story was good, but not nearly as good or emotionally powerful as Friends with Benefits.

Winner: Friends With Benefits

The Breakdown: No Strings Attached may be funnier overall than Friends With Benefits, but Mila and Justin's casual sex flick had a much deeper story and stronger chemistry between the lead actors. It also side stepped a lot of cliche moments by making fun of the cliche moments as they occurred. I'll give No Strings Attached 2 Stars and Friends With Benefits 2 and 1/2 stars. Neither film is amazing however, they are both enjoyable to watch and have moments of greatness sprinkled throughout.

Management (1 and 1/2 Stars)

Awkward! This slow paced indie film is best summed up by this one word that not only describes the movie, but in and of itself is "awkward" to say. Have you ever said the word "awkward" and truly listened to it escape your mouth? It's not pretty to say. It's not ugly either. It's not funny. It's not sexy. It's.... uncomfortable. Yes, kinda makes one feel uneasy, much like the film Management, which is often uncomfortable to watch and travels down the creepy, squirmy wormy road several times too many.

Shall we dive into the story now? Steve Zahn's character, Mike, is an aimless man child who works at his parent's motel and he leeches onto Jennifer Aniston's, Sue, a successful businesswoman. Cue many AWKWARD scenes between the two of them. And I'm not talking Steve Carrell from The Office awkward where it can be funny at times. We have a film here that attempts to be deep and deliver a coming of age story centered around a very very very late bloomer. Some moments almost sorta work, but for the most part I never found myself rooting for the main characters to be together. I just wanted Steve Zahn's character to stay away.... far far away from Jennifer Aniston's character.

Next, throw in a great and incredibly random performance by Woody Harrelson who plays a character named... drum roll please... Jango. That's right, Jango. Woody redeems the movie ever so slightly by actually adding some humor and getting a couple good chuckles out of me. Ultimately though, his character seems out of place. Sue does not seem like she would ever be with, let alone engaged to marry, this ex-punk organic yogurt loving dude.

All the characters seemed to be out of character at times. And yes, I do realize that often times characters grow over the course of a movie and Mike did evolve; however, something still seemed off. It was my lack of compassion for any of the characters and their actions that inevitably did me in. A movie that can't deliver characters that are enjoyable to watch isn't typically a movie worth watching... unless there are at least twelve big action scenes with explosions.

The breakdown: Not funny, makes you feel uncomfortable, and attempts to be "real" by tossing death into the mix. Thanks for a couple real downer scenes! Soooooo... enjoy at your own risk. Oh! I almost forgot. If you enjoy butt grabbing, then this movie will delight the pants off of you.