My need to view a solid action movie was soaring to unprecedented heights. Far too much time had passed since I had the pleasure of viewing a solid, gritty, suspense thriller. I was more than ready to dive into an action packed world of awesomeness and let my eyes be dazzled more than a diamonds' dazzleyness.
This star studded movie may have under performed at the box office, but the reviews were strong. What could go wrong? Haywire sounded like a surefire win. Error. Error. System error. My eyes winced in agony and my brain pounded continuously around in my noggin as I watched this film. I had chosen... poorly.
It was apparent that the movie wasn't going to satisfy my action movie craving from the get go. The actress cast as the lead, Gina Carano, was quite capable of handling the action portions of the film however, when it came time to act, it was clear that she lacked the neccessary experience.
This was amplified when the rest of the cast that populated the movie were anywhere near her. The more seasoned folks like Michael Douglas, Channing Tatum, Antonio Banderas, Bill Paxton, Ewan McGregor, and Michael Fassbender made Gina Carano's performance look even more amateur. Putting a professional fighter into a central role opposite these individuals was a puzzling casting decision.
It was distracting watching Gina Carano "act" like a real person. I mean, giving a robotic and emotionless performance might have worked if Gina were playing a robot. In this particular movie, I'm pretty positive she was supposed to be human. What was the clue that led me to this conclusion? Well, there was no mention of any robots or any moments including science fiction within the movie therefore, I believe that I successfully deduced that Gina's character was indeed supposed to be a human. So, for being a "human," it was difficult for me to feel any connection to her character whatsoever.
Since we're on the topic of characters, all the characters lacked depth and had forgetable lines of dialogue that neglected to further the story along. One puzzling relationship was the hint at a romance between Gina Carano's character and Channing Tatum's character. That needed to be explored more and if done so, could have created much stronger characters that someone maybe might sorta have had a vested interest in. When the movie was all said and done, I cared nothing about any of the characters. Honestly, I don't even remember their names.
Haywire also struggled as it attempted to be an art house action film. The jazz score laid over the action scenes made it seem like the director, Steven Soderbergh, was going for an old fashioned sixties type spy movie feel. Instead, it ended up being bizarre when the main audio was muted in favor of music that didn't line up with the action taking place. I was jolted out of the movie throughout most of the action scenes. These are the moments that are supposed to redeem even badly written films! I found myself thinking, "No, not another boring action scene. Please, I'd rather have one of those boring scenes with talking." In case you didn't pick up on my inner thoughts just a moment ago, that's not a good sign when I'd rather watch a scene with useless and flat dialogue.
In addition, the action scenes that did exist, were scarce. There were some good fist fighting moments, including one between Michael Fassbender and Gina Carano. Still, the action scenes felt like a sad imitation of the Bourne movies. Haywire was trying to be cool and landed as far away from the mark as possible.
Care to hear more issues with the film? Great! Let's continue. The story was extremely confusing. The editing was a failed attempt to tell the story out of order, most likely to try and make it interesting. That attempt did not work out. It just added confusion. From what I gathered, Gina Carano played some type of off the grid government agent. Then somehow she was the target. Add more confusion. Subtract common sense. Divide by boredom. That equals exactly what you think it equals... Huh?!?!?!
I think it came down to Ewan McGregor's character getting revenge on Gina Carano's character. She apparantly broke up with him. I think that was essentially the gist of it all. Unfortunately, by the time I caught up with the mess of the so called story, I had already checked out of the film. Haywire required one to take extensive notes in order to understand anything that was going on. Then, one would have to take those notes to a gibberish translator and have them piece them into a logical story.
The whole time I found myself yearning for suspenseful action movies that were done right. For example, The Italian Job, Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol or Oceans Eleven (a good Steven Soderbergh film!). The audience knows who betrayed who and for what reason and there are great moments of comedy and action. The characters in those films are also fun to watch and I cared about where their stories were going.
Breakdown: Haywire had all the ingredients to be a great action thriller, but it let everything get jumbled so much, that I couldn't tell which way was up. The movie was a wasted a good cast and wasted money on a film that should have never been made in the first place. Steven Soderbergh appears to have lost his magical director touch. This film, like Contagion (another one of his films), did not devote enough time to character, leaving the audience clueless as to who they should be rooting for. Add in the jazzy score over the action, confusing story, lame action, and an inexperienced lead actress. All of that kept me from enjoying this very blah film. Skip this flick. You aren't missing anything unless you are looking for a good nap.
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