My Favorite Movies To Hate

This is a warning! A very serious, important do-not-ignore type of warning. I advise you to avoid the following films at all cost! I don’t care if there is absolutely nothing on television, Netflix, Hulu, or from your own personal collection of movies that look more appealing to watch. Even if you are up late at night teetering between the land of awakening and the world of slumber, do not watch any of the following movies.

The films listed were released within the last ten years and are such a disgrace to the entertainment world, that I would recommend destroying any copy of them that you come across. Don’t just break the DVDs into tiny little itty bitty pieces and toss them into the trash. You have to go a step further. I’m talking about destroying them entirely, so that there isn’t one trace remaining. Now listen carefully. Write this down if you must. After you break the DVDs into tiny pieces, ingest them so that your stomach acid further destroys the abominations. If you’re not a fan of eating plastic, I’d recommend mixing the remnants into a salad. They actually add a nice texture and compliment Italian dressing quite well. Just make sure to chew thoroughly, in order to avoid sharp pieces ripping at your esophagus.

Now, you are probably wondering what movies deserve this fate. Wonder no more. Behold the horror! (In no particular order with spoilers running rampant)

1. License To Wed (2007): Mandy Moore and Jon Krasinski star in this poor excuse for a comedy. One silly escapade turns into another silly escapade as the two of them attempt to pass Robin Williams’ (playing a reverend with a little boy side kick... I won't go there) premarital tests. I had had enough when Robin Williams’ character gave them a creepy robotic baby to test their parenting skills. Actually turned this movie off because it was that unwatchable.
2. Step Brothers (2008): I’m sure I’ll get a lot of people going “Whaaaaaat?!” I thought this movie had such an absurd premise. Grown men acting like children. First they hate each other. Then they realize they have everything in common. Childish “comedy” is inserted everywhere. By some divine miracle, I didn’t turn this film off before it finished. It might of had a lot to do with the fact that I was bordering between the world of awakening and that of the slumber or I was too lazy to grab the remote. I hear rumors of a sequel in the works. I sure as hell hope that is not the case.
3. Blades of Glory (2007): Will Ferrell makes my list again! This film came highly recommended to me as “one of the funniest movies I’ve ever seen!” The end credits couldn’t come soon enough. Stupid ridiculous humor is again present and Will Ferrell plays the same character who talks LOUDLY while doing another movie where he is inserted into some ridiculous profession. Aside from Anchorman, this formula has failed repeatedly.
4. The Other Guys (2010): Will Ferrell is on fire! I was stuck in a movie theater seeing this train wreck of a movie and the only reason I stayed, was due to the fact that I paid money to see it. I felt like I was being tortured. The best part of the film was Samuel L. Jackson and Dwayne Johnson and they exited the movie early. I could care less about the other guys and would have preferred to have seen an entire movie with the cool guys. I mean, c'mon! They are the other guys for a good reason.  
5. Date Movie (2006): Took my lovely wife to see this in theaters back in 2006 on our first movie date. Sounds kinda cute, right? WRONG! This stupid film tried to combine a bunch of clichéd date movies into one and struck out repeatedly with stupid gross out humor. I'm surprised she still married me.
6. Funny Games (2007): Another movie that came highly recommended to moi. Let me tell ya, it was not one bit funny. Don't get me wrong, I like dark humor, but this movie was malicious. The two tormentors were violent and evil to an innocent family. Why? I have no idea. That was never explained. The best moment came when the family managed to kill one of the tormentors. I cheered like a crazed cheerleader. No lie. Then the most absurd thing happened. The other tormentor picked up a remote control and rewound the scene. His comrade in crime lives now. At no other point in the movie was the fourth wall broken in such a manner. It was the biggest and most infuriating WTF moment I have ever experienced. Such a waste of a talented cast. 
7. Evan Almighty (2007): A rare Steve Carell misfire. My lady and I thought we would take in a nice afternoon matinee and have a good laugh. Unfortunately, laughter was not in this film's DNA. I wanted to like this motion pic. I really did. I thought Steve Carell did a fine job. The movie's story just fell flat. It took the whole Noah's Arc story too literally as opposed to Bruce Almighty which took a more general approach to the almighty premise. This allowed for a wider and more creative amount of gags. 
8. Hostel (2005): The first half is a soft core porn. College kids go to this “cool untouristy” part of Europe. Then, the story abruptly turns into a sick torture fest with every gruesome detail depicted as realistically as possible. Instead of being scary, it opts to make you sick to your stomach. A weak story and lack of true scares makes this movie a must skip.  
9. X-Men The Last Stand (2006): "My name is Mr. Screenwriter. I don’t know how to end Mr. Singer’s brilliant X-Men trilogy. Hold that thought… I just got the bestest idea ever! I’ll just kill off most of the main characters. No one will see it coming and call me brilliant!" BAAAAAAAMP! Sorry, Mr. Screenwriter. You failed by creating a cheesy movie that needlessly killed off so many good mutants (Cyclops killed off screen... really?). 
10. Transformers (2007): Dear Michael Bay, when you have an overabundance of giant metal robot fighting mixed in with quick edits, there is no way the viewer can tell who’s fighting who. Then, you cast Shia Labarf and add a lamb story. Thanks for this piece of junkyard tin. I'll treasure it always.

I’m sure I’m missing some horrendous movies from the past ten years, but these are the ones that I have seen in their entirety (minus License to Wed) and would rank as absolutely unwatchable. Take this valuable knowledge with you so that you can battle against subpar movies that attempt to take you over and waste your precious time. Remember, if we the consumers, mindlessly consume movies like these, then they will continue to get made and our brains will undoubtedly turn to slush.

What are some of the worst movies you have seen? Please warn others before it's too late.